This needs to be told while it is fresh to me. I want a man to love me. Thats it!! I dont expect anything more and definitely will not accept anything less. I am worthy of real love, but when I see friends reveling in the bliss of temporal emotional bliss I long to share in the party. And I do, but who I am will not let it last. I cant settle for what Im handed simply because there are no other prospects. Especially when I know I worth more than that. My standards are high yes, but not impossible.

I am attractive, personable, open minded, funny as hell, muy inteligente, stable, sexually robust and willing to go to the wire for the man in my world. All thats well and good except one thing, I cant find a man who can see that. I really think lowering my standards would be an uncorrectable wrong. I have dealt with dregs and it is not a pretty existence. Ive also had the guys who had all but the necessary chemistry to keep my flame burning. Its more hurtful now that I finally recognize I am worthy of love. I head out night after night after night expecting a new result and I ultimately end up in my bed alone and unsatisfied. This cycle is becoming detrimental to my happiness and I have no idea how to fix it. I am who I am and thats an awesome son of a bitch. How do I make a man notice me and want me for more than an amazing lay? When will a man see the fantastic catch I am? These are not statements of arrogance, but regurgitated comments from the friends who I trust.

Weary doesnt come close to my current state. Depressed would be an improvement. Its funny as hell that I tunes just started playing the Spinners It Takes a Foollol. Irony rules!!! This song details in searing words that love for its splendor and warm fuzzy feelings is a cruel and unforgiving mutha fucka.

Sucking it up and moving on is getting old and in all honesty.Im tired. I have been loveless longer than I care to recount and I have nothing left. You know what, Im giving up!!! I cant keep running into steel walls and being strong. These bruises are real an not getting any easier to heal. I cant let myself be bitter, since its equally destructive. But I can fade into the background and live life as a truly single gay man. For all my new found self awareness, I learned that I am not immune to the ills of life and they are necessary evils to humble myself.

I give up to save my sanity.

I give up to spare my heart anguish.

I give up to keep my soul flying.

But above all I give up to save me.