The longer I walk down this road the deeper my appreciation for who we are as gay men. Yes gay. Not same gender loving man or any of that other bullshit we use to soften the reality we suck dick for our friends, family and mainly for ourselves. I was born into a mix of old school and new school sensibilities thanks to the crazy ass people in my family. So I was raised with a sincere reverence for Sissies and Faggots simply because I was told Honey they are not to be fucked with!!! Its that concept that shaped my life as I decided at 13 to recognize my sexuality. I never felt the need for a coming out, I was too arrogant. My assumption was that since none of my brothers and sisters announced they were straight why did I need to announce I was gay? I am blessed to have rediscovered that degree of self esteem and now understand that many people do not have a point of reference for that kind of attitude.

I have never been what you would consider a stereotypical gay man so my coming out was less than spectacular. Hell most didnt know until I was in my 20s. There was no visible shift in appearance or friends. I still played sports and hung with my boys. Absolutely nothing about DJ changed except I was more open about who I slept with the night before. But because there was no changes in the other parts of my life, friends and family could easily accept that I was gay. Peoples degree of comfort with gays is dictated with how it impacts their own life. Will I have grandkids? What if he starts liking me? This is selfishness personified and not your issue. I am blessed with a in your face personality so I refused to let someones on bullshit rub off on me. If you aint fucking, financing or feeding me your damn opinion dont mean shit. Got that one from my Granny. But thats not the reality for a large part of the gay community.

Many of my brothers who favor arched eyebrows, Chanel perfume and pumps lived through the hell of family, friends and school only to find themselves in a new kind of hell in the community that is supposed to support them. I have seen many femme guys shitted on by supposed butch guys who are somehow threatened by a man in tight pants and lip gloss. Its interesting that I primarily see it in our community. We, who have struggled and suffered indifference for the majority of our history in this world, have the audacity to create a new ism to use again someone. Being a minority in a country that does not really care about us, you would figure we would be more loving, but more often than not we send our own off hurting and disenfranchised. You would think that being gay in a community that does not include us we would welcome all as we fight for a place at the table of humanity. We the oppressed have actively chosen to be the oppressor.

Lately I have been thinking that for all the frills and sparkle, how much more of a man are my femme brothers for pushing it through day after day with no apologies. See I can throw on some gear and my T is my secret. But for them, to be anything less than fierce in dress, walk and actions would be to deny a basic human need to be happy with who they are. I am of the thought that those who make a concerted effort to hide all traces of their proclivity to love a man are in many ways more of a punk than any queen on Christopher. Our voice will never be fully heard until it is harmonized with all our voices...butch and femme alike.