Life is meant to be savored like a well aged cognac. Thanks to an Imp's encouragement I am smelling every damn flower I pass. Its amazing what you miss in life when you are running around like a madman. Im not sure if my new pill has enabled this or my personal edict to live for me has caused this, but its a feeling I dont want to end. Dont get it twisted the meds are a means to an end and I love the fact this mindset is championed by my doctor. Coping skills and realizations are a gateway to even greater happiness for me. This is not a well known fact but aside from my bravado I have a horrible sense of self esteem. I used to not see value in who I was apart from the performance I acted out day after day. Never any thoughts of harming myself physically, but I was addicted to emotional suicide. Time after time, I would sabotage any glimmer of peace in my world. No matter how minute, I refused to let sun shine on me in any way. I was content with an internal mediocre existence. Well baby...Ms XL, as I like to call her, has settled the uneasiness and cracked the door on some shit I was not willing to deal with. Its deep to face hell and have no place to hide for cover. I guess Im built for the fight cuz Im winning and my scars are few. Actually who I am is enough to cause demons to flee. I have humanized the demons to make it more real as I'm not a fan of abstract but a reveler in all things actual. So now when Doubt, Fear, Self Loathing and the gang show up I can call them by name and get ready to kick ass. I learned from all the Holy Ghost Filled women in my life that the power of life and death is in my mouth. Whatever I speak over my life will become fact. Each negative thought I give fertile ground to become a choking weed to my growth. I have been stunted since about the 9th grade and the growth while progressive is far behind where I needed it to be. In a verbal exercise, I had to proclaim life into dead situations.
I am worth more than what the world tries to value me at.
If love does not find its way into my life, I am enough to make myself happy. My family is a necessity not a luxury.
My sexuality is an adjective to describe me but it does not define me.

There are many more but those are for me.

Thanks D for the love.....

The Love Monkey is living laughing and loving like there is a tomorrow.