This week has been probably one of the hardest in my life. My father, who is the undisputed champion of my life, fell horribly ill and needed to be hospitalized. He's much much better now and Im thankful as hell, but im glad it happened. It sounds weird to be happy for an unfortunate incident, but keep reading. My dad and I got a chance to really talk and discuss where we were in life. My father was sharing some things that have become clear to him as a result of this event. He was troubled that peopled wanted to help him and assist him through all this. I was confused that he honestly did not know much he meant to us.

My dad has been working to support his family since he was 14. In this time he has provide his kids an amazing life. We have been blessed to never go without our needs and very few of our wants. However, we never knew the tremendous personal cost to our father. In the course of our conversation my father was telling me that he was tired and felt that he had no more to give to people. It was like looking into a mirror and hearing myself replay the conversation I had two weeks prior. At that moment I realized that I had unconsciously emulated my father. We share so many personality traits that it never dawned on me until that moment, my love of being there for people was learned from him.

This was my moment to explain my "revelation"!!! I asked my dad when was the last time he had an honest moment of self indulgence. He couldnt remember any time he had. Thats when I detailed healthy selfishness. I said "If giving to others damns you, the act is foolish." We are compelled by human nature to self preserve;however we fight that instinct to extend ourselves to others. My father and I dug deeper and came to the conclusion that we did not feel that we were worthy of being kind to ourselves. We established our self worth based on the deeds we performed for others.

After some tears and angry moments, we hugged and went to sleep. The next morning I felt a sincere lifting of the last weight of obligation to others. Looking at the pain in my daddys eyes, I decided I did not want to hit 61 and not feel worthy of the blessings I receive. Bring me all the joy, love, laughs and money I can handle. Im not saying Im going to hoarde my blessings, but I am going to be more mindful of who I share them with. This unspoken pact was sealed between my hero and I this weekend that will ensure increased happiness. We are both on the other side of bitter and things are pretty.

The lesson in all this typing is..If you dont think you're worth it who will?